Will I get laid tonight?

This question actually gets asked far more often by people around the world than do the two above. However, because the first two get a great deal more consideration by guys with PhDs (mostly because guys with PhDs already know they aren't getting laid so they don't ask anymore), I decided to structure the list the way I have. Anyway, the answer to this universally asked and all consuming question is: Probably not, unless you are a hot chick, at which point it's entirely up to you.